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Obama Press Conference

This morning, the president took questions from the lapdog media, which is something that doesn't happen all that often. He lectured the nation on a whole host of issue, taking just six questions and then wrapping up with a comment about Jason Collins, the NBA player who has revealed that he is gay. Here is a brief primer as to what we learned from this press conference …


Obama knows that chemical weapons have been used in Syria, but he apparently doesn't know how they were used, when they were used and who used them. This is why he claims he is taking his time to get the facts straight and not rush to judgement without hard evidence. He also says that if a “game changer” has in fact occurred, that this would mean we would then “re-think our range of options.”


Nothing to see here … move right along … I have no idea what you are talking about.


Senator Lindsey Graham is “not right” in stating that the administration and its intelligence failures are ultimately to blame for the Boston terror attacks. As for Tamerlan and his brother, they were nothing more than “warped, twisted individuals” who were self-radicalized. Note the words “radical Islamic jihad” were never used.


Obama thinks that he still has some juice, adapting a quote from Mark Twain: “Rumors of my demise may be a little exaggerated at this point.” But all of our current troubles should be blamed on a “dysfunctional” Congress: I (Obama) exaggerated about the terrible, apocalyptic consequences of the sequester (that I proposed) but it was those evil Republicans who wanted to maintain tax loopholes for the rich and well-connected who are to blame. My job as president is not to get Congress to “behave.” We need common sense solutions, and the only solutions that the media should report as “common-sense” are mine. Got it?


Even though Obama campaigned on the promise of closing Guantanamo, ultimately it is Congress' fault that it did not close. As for the hunger strike going on right now, “I don't want those individuals to die.”


It's not that ObamaCare is a train-wreck, as some Democrats have described, it is just that people get “anxious” and “nervous” about implementing big laws. Most Americans are just too dumb to realize that they are already benefiting from ObamaCare, which is working “just fine.” Oh and by the way, you can thank me (Obama) later for making the ground-breaking decision to shorten the ObamaCare form to just three pages … see how easy it is? Oh and one more thing, those governors who are not creating their own state health exchanges are hypocrites because they love to preach about states rights but don't want to implement my hideously expense, burdensome plan at the state level.


I won't sign anything unless it has a path to citizenship. Period. End of story.